If you were to list the top 5 emotions you feel in caring for parents, what would they be? Maybe you’d first think of feelings like love, compassion, and sometimes, even dread or frustration. But would anger make a list? In many cases, though family caregivers would not wish to admit it, the answer is a definite YES.
Many adult children struggle with the reality that their parents are growing older. Growing up, our parents may have exuded health, strength, and control, giving us an underlying impression that they would always be there for us. However, watching a decline in their health upends that notion, which could leave us feeling let down, disillusioned, fearful, anxious, and angry.
As the tide shifts and aging parents become the ones needing care, family dynamics can become complicated. And the negative stereotype within our society towards aging tells us that growing older is something we need to resist or deny – something which can directly affect how both adult children and their aging parents handle age-related decline.
Add to that the compounded stress experienced by individuals who are part of the sandwich generation – taking care of children at home and caring for aging parents at the same time. Approximately one in three adults with elderly parents believe their parents need care and emotional support.
So, how can you shift to a more favorable mindset? The primary step is coming to a place of acceptance. Laura Cartensen, Stanford University psychology professor and director of its Center on Longevity, explains, “The issue is less about avoiding the inevitable and more about living satisfying lives with limitations. Accepting aging and mortality can be liberating.”
Honest, open communication is also crucial. Family caregivers and parents should express their thoughts about what is working well in the relationship and what needs to be modified. In some cases, understanding the other person’s perspective makes a significant difference. For instance, a senior parent may express annoyance when prompted to put on their glasses. However, a recommended response may clarify the reason behind the reminders – for example, a concern that the parent may fall. A compromise can then be reached.
Concentrating on the quality time your caregiving role gives you with your aging parents while balancing your parents’ needs with your own. One of the most effective ways to accomplish this is to find a dependable care partner to help. Connect with Modern Health Home Care online or at 215.995.2012 to learn more about our Philadelphia home care services.
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